Running through powered me these past 3.5 years, and arguably my whole life prior. Running through the first treatment. Running through the radiation. Running through the first transplant. Running through the second transplant. Running.
Where was I running? To a brighter future. To a day without cancer. What did I miss by running?
I am so so very lucky. Amidst all this running, you taught me to slow down and savor each moment. To find solace and appreciation in the mundane and the simple. The things often overlooked. A restful sleep. One single bite of food. A discussion in your classroom. A morning in pajamas. Three simple words. There are so many more.
These moments actually bring the most peace in life. Simple calmness. Cancer could not steal that from us. And, it will not now, from me.
I know that it is ok to embrace the moments of laughter now, for a bad moment may not be far behind. And, for me to properly honor and live the way you taught, I must cherish each one. Good or bad. Safe or scary.
“There is a story of a woman running away from tigers. She runs and runs and the tigers are getting closer and closer. When she comes to the edge of a cliff, she sees some vines there, so she climbs down and holds on to the vines. Looking down, she sees that there are tigers below her as well. She then notices that a mouse is gnawing away at the vine to which she is clinging. She also sees a beautiful little bunch of strawberries close to her, growing out of a clump of grass. She looks up and she looks down. She looks at the mouse. Then she just takes a strawberry, puts it in her mouth, and enjoys it thoroughly. Tigers above, tigers below. This is actually the predicament that we are always in, in terms of our birth and death. Each moment is just what it is. It might be the only moment of our life; it might be the only strawberry we’ll ever eat. We could get depressed about it, or we could finally appreciate it and delight in the preciousness of every single moment of our life.” -Pema Chodron
Taken the day before you went in for your 2nd Transplant, June 2012. We talked about this day often over the summer. We cherished the moment or freedom, peace and true beauty.
Unbelievable picture and words Jen Berry, but no one would expect anything less, and Professor Stephen Dickter, a lifetime teacher for countless people, behind that smirk was an insurmountable knowledge that will continue to spread as far as the eye can see.
He’d be so proud of you for eating the strawberries. We should all be eating strawberries. Your words are powerful and inspiring, Jen.
Much love,
Michelle
I’m glad you found the words to express what you are going through. Everything I think to write to you or about Stephen, feels wrong. All I can say is you are loved, Stephen was loved. About the rest, I have no idea.
What a beautiful image Jen. I have learned so much from you and Stephen. Although I never got the opportunity to meet him the message to savor even the smallest moments will always be with me. This is what you and Stephen taught me and what I will pass on to my children. His message will be carried on and live through your family and friends whom you both have touched so deeply.
After reading this parable and seeing this picture, I’ve gotta quote Eli and say to Steve….”You’re handsome like a Tiger!” ;o) And to you Jen…savor all the strawberries out there!
[…] Others will remind that I have so much to live for still. And, of course, I know this is true. They will remind me that I’ll never replace you, but I will find someone different. Maybe. But today (maybe not the whole day), I am allowed to feel the desolation, emptiness and sadness. There will be more of these days. There will also be plenty of moments of laughter, hopes of a future, enjoyments of moments, but they will be very different. It’s all part of getting through and remembering to reach for the strawberries. […]