I know people are uncomfortable to hear. To see me in pain is painful. To see the positive is easier. I don’t blame them. If only it were that easy to move through. Others lost before me and I’m sure I did not understand. Saying the few words of comfort. Not knowing what to do. There isn’t much.
The mind races. Decisions made. Signs overlooked. Something that could have been different. Their minds remember the happy. My mind can only gravitate to the “what ifs”; the failures. Of course it’s wrong. In February, you told me that you never wanted me to regret a decision we made as a team. I’m trying so had to breathe through this promise. My mind is not kind. It is a constant fight to go through, not back.
Let me pain have it’s way with you, JB. Surrender. It’s not that you have a choice, not that it could be any other way right now. It’s there for a you and there’s no limit. It’s as natural as sun and rain. Love is there too, to soothe you when you need it. Love outlasts everything. Pain is inevitable, love is immortal. It’s all for you and you have it all. You’re just exactly perfect.
remember those words Pia said to you. nothing can be more true. (and she’s NOT a hugger) ahaha. love ya.
Beautiful Jen, your pain is your journey through to the other side. To the side that allows you to look back and only remember the good times. The pain is insurmountable and cruel but own it. It won’t last forever, but it will go faster if you don’t try to push it down and try to pretend it doesn’t exist. No one can ever feel what you are feeling, but those of us who have lost someone so dear can relate and understand the journey you are on. I know what awful tricks your mind can play on you, the blame game, the ‘what if’ game. But Jen, you did nothing wrong. You were the perfect wife, perfect soul mate, perfect cheerleader. I’d love to call you and chat, or cry what ever you need. I’m here for you xxx