“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
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There’s that second when it clicks. All of a sudden you feel that wave of emotion from the middle of your chest, down through your stomach. It’s when you know. You realize how lucky you are in that very moment. It’s not always. And, it doesn’t stay with you every single second. But when it’s there, you have a deep appreciation for every single person in your life. No matter if they’ve only said one little positive word to you, if they’ve challenged your patience or if they’ve done a thousand unfathomable kind gestures.
Balance.
Then there are the moments and spaces in-between. Times with lulls, stress, panic, pain, hopelessness, numbness, terror and fear. These in-betweens are just as important. Without them, we wouldn’t have the moments of clicking. Without them, we wouldn’t build up strength, empathy and kindness. Without balance, we wouldn’t find our way.
Beautiful things can happen during these in-betweens.
This is when we can go towards things that frightened us. Sometimes these struggles are a choice and other times things that are thrown at us without reason. At the time, these moments may seem insurmountable or impossible. But, it is at these times where the change will happen.
It is always so difficult for me to convey the amount of respect that I have for Steve. It’s an appreciation for earnest strength, compassion and selflessness. It’s a greatness that I didn’t even know was possible in a person. Steve was a beautiful person. And he didn’t just happen. He suffered. He found his way. All along not just full of warmth, kindness, and laughter, but also full of fears and pain. And what came out, was something so priceless and gentle.
It’s taken me a long time to realize, but I now know that we all have the potential in us. Sometimes it may take something catastrophic to allow for it to blossom. Other times it may just be a minute incident, a difficult decision or an interaction with a stranger that changes us. Each of these encounters has the potential to mold us into something amazing. And, it’s definitely not that simple. But, we have a say in it, even when it may not seem so. Our reaction is the choice. It’s the only thing in our control.
“It hurts to look at the clouds, but it also helps, like most things that cause pain.”
― The Silver Lining Playbook
It’s never achieved alone. It’s never straightforward. It’s never ever easy. It’s not instant; it takes time. It’s not always a “win”. And, it often really fucking sucks while it’s happening. Sometimes it’s acceptance, facing defeat, something so difficult and sobering. But what this all means, is that in the end, the result can be something so extraordinary and something so amazing. Not always living up to our original desire, expectation or goal and often a side step. Not just something tangible, but also an indirect derivative that is even more precious. An intangible appreciation and understanding of life itself.
Not only over the past 4 years, but over my entire life, I’ve been so very lucky to meet such beautiful people. People who have given so much, often without even knowing it. There’s an incredible intimacy in sharing someone’s struggle and suffering. It’s not to be taken lightly. They allowing you to see vulnerability. You, a witness as they find their way through the in-betweens. All the while, you finding your way, even without knowing it at times.
Believe me, we will all have our in-betweens. We will all have to be vulnerable. We will have to see defeat. We will all have to find balance and stand time. But, we will all have our choice on how we react.
It’s painful to reflect. But acknowledging and remembering the in-betweens makes this all the more beautiful.
music: future islands “balance”
Love you again Jen …