[found here - Chris Brogan]

I remember it so distinctly. The pacing of the halls. I knew I should be in the room with him, holding his hand. He had refused. I had quickly accepted the safe route and thought the world outside his room would be less tumultuous (for me). For that day was the day that Steve would receive a bone marrow biopsy. Rumors of treacherous pains lead me to believe that I couldn’t watch. I felt guilty.  Guilty that I wasn’t physically bedside. Either way, pain or not, there was a deeper issue at heart. The results. The unknown outcome.  The inability to help.  As Steve was experiencing this moment, I was in utter disbelieve and overwhelmed with helplessness. Had I remained bedside during the procedure, I would have worsened the situation. Instead, I chose to roam the hallways in search of some serenity or guidance.

Pacing up and down.  Each time, tempted to look through the doorways into the unknown journey that many others had started before me. This was the oncology floor at UCLA Santa Monica Hospital.  At first thoughts, not exactly a place of serenity and hope.  Mixed feelings of intrigue, despair, guilt, and desperation overtook my entire being. The feelings so intense that my heart actually ached. A rare feeling that I had falsely experienced in my younger years.  A feeling so strong that it overcomes your entire being.   I had heard of people who have collapsed, fainted, or felt dizzy while experiencing this state. But, in the past cynicism had always ruled my thoughts making this feeling seemingly gratuitous and unlikely. However, I was wrong. This time it was unlike any other emotion I had felt. True fear, true despair. For the first time in my life I understood the real meaning of a word. Not only did I understand it, I felt it. Fear, the “feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.” I remember this day distinctly. It was the day I cried, alone, on my home late in the evening. I wasn’t sure I would be able to drive home that day. I knew what it meant to be physically paralyzed by emotion. For someone that has always be in control of emotion, this was unlike anything I had experienced. This day I felt something that only someone  threatened with the loss of a loved one, can understand. I felt things like these:

“life altering”

“to feel helpless is devastating”

“possibility of them not being with you”

“every single time they are tired, you have to take it seriously”

“amazed at the generosity of others, but you’d give it up in a second to not see your child suffer”

These are all words spoken by mothers of children with cancer. And, although, I experienced a spouse with cancer, these words resonant with me. As I watched the clip below, I again felt each single word as it is spoken. Throughout the past year, I have met so many amazing people. People that you wish you’d met under different circumstances. We’ve had good friends fight cancer, some winning, some unfortunate and some still fighting. Our very close friend has been fighting Melanoma for almost 2 years now. Originally, not expected to live, he has now had one clear PET scan, but recently reoccurring in his spine and brain. Regardless he has made it this far with the support of others. Friends, family, research and even those he doesn’t know.  He emailed me 2 days ago, “life is funny, sad, shocking, raw, amazing, and full of surprises.  I love life!!!!” … this just 3 days after brain surgery. He has a true appreciation for friends, family, support and an immense love for his doctors and their dedication to research. I don’t want to get into the politics of health care. But, I do want to address the need for help. Help of people’s daily experiences. Help for research. Help for making people’s journeys as comfortable as relatively possible.

It is with this that I ask for your support. MY DONATION LINK (click here)

Cancer research has helped Steve survive. Years ago he would have passed. I realize there are so many charities in need. But for some reason I am so drawn to one local, becoming International, grass roots charity. Lead by Jeff Castelaz & Jo Ann Thrailkill., Pablove directly benefits Childrens Hospital LA.  Unfortunately, their son Pablo lost his battle at the heart wrenching young age of 6. But, they are still so thankful for the treatment and care they received.  And, even though Steve is an adult and Pablove Foundation is for Childrens Hospital LA, I feel that any cancer research helps everyone.  You really don’t know when it may effect you, a loved one, a friend of a friend. The more we research, we prevail. The more we make families and children comfortable at the hospital, the more they prevail. The more access to treatment, the higher the cure rates. All obvious stuff. All in need of financing.  Jeff & Joann deserve your help. They are incredible leaders, fighters, givers and just amazing human beings. They don’t want people to ever have to feel the loss they still feel on a daily basis.

Here are some mothers who unfortunately know cancer. Support them.

You can support below. Jeff Castelaz is riding 3000 miles across the US on his road bike to raise money for Childrens Hospital.

(don’t worry you don’t have to sponsor per mile, but you can)

Or if you cycle you can join the ride in your city (Click here) (THE MORE THE MERRIER) and raise money for yourself HERE (Click here)
I have many friends riding with him. You can make your own group.

If you need resources for you or a loved one, go here

And, lastly i leave you with 3 pictures of Steve’s journey

…full of waiting and wondering and unknown

some pain and frustration (sorry the photo is blown out)

And in Steve’s True nature, some laughter.

Thank you. MUCH.

It hasn’t rained since Steve was diagnosed.

It felt clean. A fresh start.

With the turning of the seasons, comes the turning of the minds. A revitalization.

I saw this. I’d say it’s straight to the point. AKA poignant. And, although it puts a negative spin on rain, you get the point.

“the way i see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain” – dolly parton

And a picture because lulu always brightens our day when she comes to visit. Even of it’s raining outside and she can’t play. She’ll soon forgot the ‘pain’ once the rainbow comes out.

–Benjamin Franklin

Three is the magic number that it takes for the human mind to establish a pattern.  In science, DNA has a triplet codon system. In geology we have the 3 basic planes: Above- Surfaced- Beneath.  In astronomy we find the 3 types of galaxies:  ellipticals – spirals – irregulars.  Freud proposed that the psyche was divided into three parts: Ego- Superego – Id.  In Christianity there is the trinity. In Taoism, the Three Pure Ones. There are three main Abrahamic religions: Islam, Christianity and Judaism.

Some three’s are not so great:    3 strikes and you’re out;   In Vietnam, it is bad luck to take a photo with three people in it;   Luck, especially bad luck, is often said to “come in threes”;   It’s been 3 weeks since my last blog (bad bad bad)

Some three’s just are: The Three Stooges & not to be forgotten The 3 Amigos;   Three dimensions to an object: height, width & depth;   In Bowling, 3 strikes in a row = a turkey;   Life is in three, past-present-future.

Some three’s are good: 3 scoops of ice cream;   it’s 3pm and I’m in my pajamas (I’m kidding, maybe);   3 is a magic number;   Steve just finished cycle 3 of chemo, off to 4, 5 & 6.

Now you may ask yourself, why I am talking about 3′s (mostly it’s because I like to talk)

I’m sure most of you have heard of Jasmine Star. Well if not, you have now. She recently put on her 3rd workshop (yes i used the number three again). And yes, I tried THREE times to get in. And, as luck would have it, the 3rd time was a charm. And, let me tell you it WAS a charm. But, if I’m being honest (uh oh you say, here she goes…), I was a bit torn about attending due to recent events and my lackluster for pretending to be happy. Consequently, I was scared. Yes, me, I was scared.  The Chicken in me knew that Jasmine had such an upbeat personality and massive amounts of energy. How was I going to put a happy face on ALL day. (Luckily she doesn’t offer refunds for wimps.) I woke up that morning, slapped myself in the face a few times and Wahla/Viola,  I made that mental flip in my head. I promised myself to practice my own words of seize the day. It helped when I remembered that I’m not the only one. Who better to have as a mentor than someone that has been through a similar (hers definitely a different degree of scary) obstacle.

Even though I only have a couple of workshops to compare, I have to say the Jasmine Star Workshop was worth the wait, the time, the money and the mental energy. It was an all encompassing day, taught by an all encompassing woman. We covered branding and blogging, shooting and processing, client relations and networking. Professionally, I was, yet again, inspired by her work. Personally, I was inspired by just the very presence of her mother (thanks “mom” – you said I could call you that).  Romantically, I was inspired by the way she and J.D. care for each other – he constantly made sure she was hydrated. Nothing says true love like hydration. (J.D. thank you for lunch, ice cold water and your kind smile).

I was inspired. I am motivated. (I swear there are photos on this post somewhere, not just ramblings). I am thankful that there are those who not only teach for financial reward, but they pay it forward with 100% of their heart and soul. And even though it was hard for me to get up and go, I think I left knowing a little more of myself.

The Teacher: Jasmine Star

Venue: The Club at Woodbury

The Models: Melinda & Vern

The Flowers: Carissa of JL Designs – seriously see for yourself…

The Beauty: Vivian Tran of All Made Up – i have never seen anything like this before & she gave the girls a lil makeup gift!!!

The Dress: Monique Lhuillier

Seriously, Jasmine has a way of motivating the masses, all the while maintaining a wicked fashion sensibility.

Melinda and Vern. Yep you can see they are still in love after almost 2 years of marriage. (and they are hot hot hot)

She graciously shared her settings while shooting, nurturing “the talent” and motivating the masses. I’d say easy contender for top 10 multi-tasker.

Between the moustache and the sunglasses, need I say more about S*T*Y*L*E*

I don’t think I have even seen a dress this stunning. Yikes!

Melinda (who came to us via my ever so awesome friend Carlie, Go tell Carlie how beautiful she is) was stunning

I really don’t know how to express the simple elegance and amazingness (yes i made that word up) of both the flowers (check out the matching boutonniere) and hair (Vivian, can you come over everyday please and make me look whimsical!??!). I truly and honestly have Never seen such creativity. If you are a bride, these 2 ladies are your golden ticket. If you are a photographer, surround your clients and yourself with greatness, like these…Jasmine, J.D. & Mom thank you again. Even though I was quiet, I had much contemplation, joy and gratitude.

The point of all this is to say, I think I really love photography. Well, I should revise and say I love photography. I love how powerful the medium is in conveying a story. Whether it is a story of love or famine or birth or death, it is a window into the souls of others. A medium that brings awareness to all and levels the playing field of life to reveal the humanity within all people, within in all places of this earth and within all belief and economic systems. It allows people to be seen as human beings. I know that I may excel in one particular area, but overall I love to take inspiration from everywhere, not just other people’s wedding photos (although I do stalk about 56 wedding blogs. i am guilty.)

One of my all time favorite photographers once said:

“ I don’t believe a person has a style. What people have is a way of photographing what is inside them. What is there comes out.” – Sebastiao Salgado

Here are a few photos that have had a huge impact on me. They are NOT my photographs (I wish they were):

by brett walker

Salgado, “Genesis” Project, yet to be released

Ira Lippke

Ira Lippke

Sebastiao Salgado

Sebastiao Salgado

Henri Cartier-Bresson

James Nachtwey

Michael Norwood

The Parsons

The Parsons

The Parsons

And Because they don’t all have to be heavy hearted (even though I see joy in some of the above):

The Parsons

Saw this yesterday. Pretty much shows how photographs can tell a story, together:

http://www.world-of-pen.com/

So, i didn’t even need to look up the lyrics for this song. Um yeah. Here are the problems with that:

1.  It dates me. ‘nough said

2.  It’s a Whitney Houston Song. Tiny bit of SSSSHHH, please don’t tell anyone that i know this.

3.  I was singing it outloud when i was typing it. I can’t sing.

On to the real topic at hand. So, I know this is supposed to be a photography blog, meaning I’m supposed to post photos that I take. Well, since I’ve been on a little bit of a hiatus lately, I’ve been spending mucho time on the world wide web. Throughout out my travels, I’ve built a ginormous collection of virtual shopping carts cluttered with about 300 items that I will never actually purchase. Amazon (ever so obssessed with the blythe doll thanks to bonnie tsang) and Etsy (whatever you do, don’t try the pounce function, it’s highly addictive) are at the top of my obsessions lately.  However, within my little internet fantasy shopping, I’ve also been researching philanthropic ventures.

I came across this lil venture the other day. I am a huge believer of educating the children of our world. I wonder what path my life would have taken if I had been exposed to photography earlier. There is such power in photography. It doesn’t have to be perfect. There’s no such thing. When I look at photographs that inspire me, they are ones that tell a story and reveal an intimacy that is real and unique.   Technical aspects are inevitably necessary, but in reality it’s the emotion that someone feels when looking at the image.  This is powerful. This can change people’s lives.

A true gift is teaching our youth to see not only beauty in their environment, but also giving them a voice. I believe in  Three Cups of Tea (I’m having a difficult time finding a more inspiring read) and Born into Brothels (a must rent or purchase – to multiply the gift) and now I believe in star shooter.

Here is the venture. Help. It will be amazing.

AND, to top it off they are giving away a Canon 5d Mark II (for all you nutty photographers). Just enter a photo for $25 and you may win.\

http://www.starshootercontest.org/

http://www.starshooter.org/

]]> http://jenberry.com/blog/2009/06/i-believe-the-children-are-our-future/feed/ 0 http://jenberry.com/blog/2009/03/jay-again-i-agree/ http://jenberry.com/blog/2009/03/jay-again-i-agree/#comments Sat, 28 Mar 2009 06:55:01 +0000 admin http://jenberry.com/blog/?p=952 I really don’t need to elaborate on how awesome it is to spend yet another day with mr. jay reilly.  Really. He’s amazing. It’s not hard to describe why I’m attracted to Jay as a mentor and inspirational photographer. His work speaks for itself; clean, beautiful, timeless, emotive and just plain ol good.  But, most of all, I agree. I agree with his love of photography, his willingness to share and his obsession with photographing. He does it for the love it and then the livelihood {finance} follows, as a sweet reward.

Here are a few images from a Saturday spent in Oceanside with a Jay Reilly Workshop. Take One. Soon.

(I’m starting to write with proper punctuation again. Capitals were they belong, must be the influence of having to work again. Boo. Save me)

my favorite of the day. simple, but sweet.

Jay Reilly is a man of such nature. I learned so much in his wedding workshop. Not only does his work speak for itself, timelessly beautiful and full of story, but his demeanor is calm, reflective and just plain ol kind.

Take his workshop. Hire him for a personal session. Hire him for advertising shoots. He deserves it. He has earned it. You won’t be disappointed. You will be speechless.

MY FIRST SLIDESHOW CLICK HERE OR ON PICTURE

These words are a lame attempt to summarize a day on the “town”, with fellow bschool photographers.

Tuesday, I carpooled out to “California’s Crown Jewel of Avian Biodiversity” (according to the .gov website), The Salton Sea with 3 other photographers, Jenny Smith, Heidi Ryder, and Kevin Wynn.  I’m sure I talked their heads off all the way out and all the way back.  But, as is the nature of the bschool, these 3 were up for answering my mundane questions and chatting about the one of the things we all love, photography. Once we arrived, we met about 2 dozen other bschoolers and continued the day gabbing, posing, experiment and shooting.

Personally, I spent the day trying not to “shoot” people. Weird, right? I know a weakness of mine lies in landscapes and inanimate objects, so i forced myself to avoid putting live things (hence the dead fish) on camera.

Many thanks to [b]ecker for creating an environment that breeds “pay it forward” (i’m totally cheesy, i know) & Joe Photo for spear heading these outings.

Here are a few shots from the day:

ok 2 people, but they are silhouette (matthew saville with camera)

Here are some of the other photographers that joined us out there, besides the 4 in our car (previously mentioned), so you can see their perspectives:

greg shaw

matthew saville

paige green

becker

meg perotti

alfred bertulfo

heather kincaid

joe photo

hanssie trainor

more to come…

]]> http://jenberry.com/blog/2009/02/day-trippin-the-salton-sea/feed/ 18 http://jenberry.com/blog/2009/02/no-pain-no-branding/ http://jenberry.com/blog/2009/02/no-pain-no-branding/#comments Thu, 12 Feb 2009 05:52:10 +0000 admin http://jenberry.com/blog/?p=786 ***WARNING LONG POST

As I laid in the remote field, surrounded by bushes of thorns and creatures of the unknown, I thought to myself  “What is she going to make me do? Will I do it correctly or will she think I’m a total amateur (which i am)?” Meanwhile, in this desolate and remote area, the unusual spotting of a jogger enabled my fear factor to intensify… “you know there are snakes in there” the man says and continues on jogging away. I am once again left with her. Alone. Having to follow her lead. As we ease into it, I am then told to climb up on a stump of wood with barb wire. Seriously, “you know I have a cashmere dress on” (I say to myself). “What am I doing here? I’m a grown woman.”

Now you may ask yourself, why would I hang out with someone for more than 2 minutes that jeopardized my physical welfare. And, then you will double ask yourself, why would I compensate this person for it. Well, Truth be told. I’m exaggerating a bit so you’d read my blog.

Really now…In the wild backwoods Ladera Ranch, California on this day, I truthfully had one of the best days of my recent years. Here, I had the pleasure to meet Carlie Renee of Gabriel.Ryan.Photographers.

Carlie is one completely and totally awesome chick. I don’t know how else to describe her. I have to admit I was a little nervous to meet her at first. I’m a tiny bit older and not quite as gorgeous (Yes Carlie, you are fantastically beautiful inside and out) and I was enlisting her help to build my branding.

From the moment I arrived at her house, I felt welcomed and loved (totally in a platonic friendly girls way… I’m starting to sound like a stalker). For doing my make-up, for helping with clothing options to ultimately making me feel completely at ease in front of the camera. ..For all these reasons and for the sheer talent of Gabriel & Carlie, I can completely understand their recent success in photography.

If you are a photographer, a bride, a business owner or just you, I highly suggest that you contact Gabriel.Ryan (if I’m not available of course, haha) to capture impeccably beautiful images of you… for promotion, for your husband or wife, for your mom or dad, for your family or for just lil ol you.  Have Carlie do your make up (if you’re a girl).  She’s pretty spectacular at it and I’ve seen some amazing make-up done in the film industry. Plus, she’s great to sit around and chat with, able to warm you up for your photo session. If you’re anything like me, you can’t stand being on the “wrong” side of the camera. Well, fret no more, I’ve found your answer.

p.s.  The biggest disappoint of the day, my fake eyelashes had to eventually come off and Carlie doesn’t live close enough to come over every day to put them on.

p.s.s. Oh yeah. I met Gabriel for about 2 seconds and without hesitation, I can completely understand why they are husband and wife.

p.s.s.s  Photographers, I have to say it’s so important to have photos of yourself  because:   (1) brand yourself (besides creating spectacular photos (2) Clients need to see you. They are intrigued to see who you are and aesthitic presentation is so important, like it or not.  (3) Support other photographers in their financial status & portfolios.  (4) you’ll learn a lot about your clients being on the otherside of the camera. (5) you’ll learn a lot from watching another photographer in action.

OK. sorry this is so long, but I could go on and on. Now for some my photos, taken by Carlie… (go to her blog to see the rest)