jenberry photography

While at trader’s joes, I thought to myself should I buy 1 white and 2 red, but I already have about 28 of the red at home. Maybe I should buy 3 white, no red. But really what does it matter. I’m the only one that drinks it. And, by drinking it, I mean 1/2 bottle over 7 days. So I thought to myself, why do I hoard the bottles.

In the past, when we would head out to a party, Steve could be known to casually mentioned, “grab a bottle of wine for the party”.  “What?!?! (I would often casually blurted out). You want me to bring a bottle of the wine I’ve been saving for an incredible special spectacular phenomenal day. It’s just a regular party. There’s no way. Let’s go buy a bottle.”  Cut to a cabinet of lonely full bottles, never to be ‘wasted’.

Then when Steve was hospitalized, I met a young man whose mother was battling cancer. This woman’s journey was like acclimating to Mount Everest’s peak in one day . Breathing, not breathing, frostbite, clean scans, surgeries, you name it. The young man and I talked about life, cancer, love, children and of high importance, wine. As I was beginning my climb of mount cancer, he was already past the acclimation point. He had learned how to breathe at the higher altitudes, but this education was not without a price. There were many moments of low oxygen and fears of not surviving. Many moments of turning around and descending.  Of course, I immediately thought he’ll know the way. He can be my sherpa. But, I soon learned that each journey is different. Some people train their whole lives with altitude adjustments, while others live on flat ground (happily and rightfully so). Regardless of the path, there is an underlying theme. When I asked him for his ‘theme’, his big words of encouragement, his method for surviving under blizzard conditions, I thought I would hear an amazing quote similar to the words JFK, Martin Luther King or Ghandi.  But, what I got was, “I never save that bottle of wine for ‘one day’ important”.

“Never save for one day important.”

Hum. At first, I though, “That goes against everything I’ve trained for in my life.”  You have to save everything. Backups of paper towels, soap, toothpaste. Lists to organize every little task (don’t assume I’m throwing away my lists or backups). Withholding things til the moment is perfect. But when the moment flipped to the polar opposite of perfect, I realized that nothing is perfect. And, nothing is predictable. In any second, everything can change. I know we all hear this and it lingers in the back of our minds, but it’s something we never truly understand until it is clear that those anticipated moments can be stripped away in a second. His simple words had so much meaning to them.

So, I don’t want this blog to only be about cancer and illness (or really about drinking wine). No one wants to hear a constant stream of sadness and descent.  This is to be about the climb. The milestones of reaching base camp one, acclimating and enjoying the ease of breathing, then off to tackling another part of the climb. I realized that I have been holding on to my blogs for an important event. Something interpreted as seemingly profound by society or my perception of what others deem blogworthy. But really, everyday is important and sometimes the mundane triggers a familiarity within another. Or the air is thin and someone needs to share your oxygen. There is something so to cherish in the everyday. Something important in the calm and ordinary.

So from now on I promise to barrage you with nonsense, self deprecation and fun things i find at the grocery store. Sounds exciting, right?!?!

Because this is a photography blog and a blog about living, here’s a picture from my new precious lil 3gs iPhone. In an attempt to live the day and not stare at our computers, we ventured to the Getty today. Steve got the big camera and I happily snapped away with my new lil toy…